The Map Master

"Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight."  Psalm 119:35

Last week, we took a family road trip / field trip to one of our favorite places -- the Audubon Zoo in New Orleans.  We spent five hours wandering through the exhibits as we watched (and smelled) the various animals.  We follow the same path every time we visit -- start with the flamingos, go see the elephants, stop at the playground, and on to the monkeys!  We have the same restful (air conditioned) stops as we eat, visit the reptile house, and walk through the Bayou gift shop. 

This year, one big thing was different: Abbie is no longer in a stroller.  And so, she became what we affectionately called The Map Master.  

When you enter the zoo, they give you a paper map so you'll know where each exhibit is.  Abbie quickly took hold of the map, folded it just so, and became the leader of the pack.  She had the plan.

We were subjected to several hours of the following commands:

"Ugh... those animals are asleep, let's go."

"Those animals stink, let's see what's next."

"We don't have time for you to talk, let's go." and

"I have the map. You have to follow me."

She was so pleased that we (pretended to) let her be in charge.  As I gently turned her down each path that everyone else wanted to go down, she marched along proud to be at the head of the crowd.

At three, she never realized that her path was being directed, not by her map, but by my gentle pulling and suggestions.  She never realized that she did not have the power or control that she thought she did.  She never realized that as she commanded us to move on to another animal, we moved on because we were ready to, not because she had told us what to do.

How many times in life do we think that we are our own map masters?  How often do we think we know just which path we should take?  How often do we think that we don't have time for the things going on and are ready to rush on to the next stop on our life map?

What would have happened if I had allowed Abbie to make all the decisions at the zoo?  Would we actually have stopped  to see any of the animals or just walked in circles?  How quickly would we have become lost because, well, she's three, and she can't read?  She needed me and her brothers and sisters to make sure that she was on the right path.

In life we too can create our maps.  We can decide all of the things that we want to do.  We can decide all the places we want to go.  We can plan and plan and plan.  But in that planning, we would be wise to stop and ask for some direction.

I'm a planner.  I like to organize and sort things.  I like to make charts and lists of things that need to be done.  But sometimes that planning puts me ahead of where I need to be in the grander scheme of things.  I often become lost and confused and create unnecessary havoc and chaos in my life. I struggle to stop and take a breath and let God lead me where I need to go.

When I hop in my van to take a road trip, I don't stop twice to think about putting an address into our GPS, Gypsy,  and mindlessly following the robotic instructions.  "She" gives me directions, and I follow.  But when I'm looking for direction in life, I sometimes forget to open the Bible and look for direction there.  But everything we need to know about life is there.  

I challenge you, and myself, to stop looking for the paths.  Stop trying to make all the plans.  Take a breath -- open the word of God -- and let him direct your paths. 

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:6

"Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path."  Psalm 119:105

I Want to Be a Sellout

In today's very modern, provocative society being a "sell out" has some rather negative implications.  Selling out generally means that someone has turned their back on an ideology or belief that they have commonly been associated with.  Selling out can also be brought about by making a change in the way one acts. In mainstream society, a sell out is often a betrayer or someone who has backed down on previous beliefs to find an easier road.

So... if being a sell out has negative implications, why would I want to be one?  Well, it all depends on perception because I do believe that being a sell out can be turned around to be a positive thing.

I want to be a sell out to the things that surround us in our culture.  I want to turn away from the things of this world.  Just take a moment to think of some of the things that surround us daily.  Think of the images that we see on TV -- even when we are trying to watch "good" shows, immoral images assault us from commercials.  Think of the women's rights push to ignore the preciousness of an unborn life in support of abortion.  Think of the profanity that easily slips from people's mouths.  Think of the crime that fills the news because of a lack or morality in our society.

"For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight." I Corinthians 3:19

So therefore, I want to sell out to the commonality of our culture and turn in a search for the wisdom of God.  I want to turn off the television.  I want to submerge myself in the word of God and seek His way.

My oldest daughter Jayla, avoiding bedtime one night, took the first letters of all our names and, without repeating any letters, rearranged them to spell the word JAMES and then she added all of our ages together to come up with 121.  She then turned to James 1:21 and "adopted" this verse as our family verse.  It says,

"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."

Jayla felt that this verse was very fitting for us because we have actively tried to turn our family away from worldly ways.  I have removed my children from public school and a culture that I do not approve of to home school them.  We have turned away from many of the items we find on clothing racks and strive to dress modestly.  We turn to Christian music for our entertainment.  We study from the word of God together.

James 1:22 - 24 continues by saying, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what is says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror, and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."

It is not merely enough to spend time in church on Sunday or to read a few verses out of the Bible each day.  We must strive to take what we read and apply it to our daily lives.  We must identify what there is in our life that is a detractor from living a Christian life and remove it.

This is not always an easy path.  I have a friend who was telling me just the other day of a show on television that she loves and has not missed an episode of in years. However, this year the show is going in a direction that does not support the Christian ideals that she has, and she is making the very difficult decision to walk away from the show.  This is an emotional move for her.  On the surface, you can say, "oh, it's just a television show." But when there are things in our life that we enjoy, not matter how big or small, that we have to move away from, there can be emotions that make those moves difficult.

God never promised that following His way would be easy.  In fact, the Bible promises us times of trial.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2-3

The trials that we can face range from what we view as minimal things, like my friend not wanting to give up her television show, to life-shaking events... oftentimes new Christians realize that they must temper their association with old friends or give up old habits.  There are many in the world, and unfortunately this is beginning to reach us more and more in the United States, who are persecuted for believing in and following God.  Yet, the Bible clearly says that we should find joy in the tribulation.

Matthew 5:14 tells us "You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill that cannot be hidden."  We should sell out to the world and shine for Christ no matter the trials or tribulation that we face.  

This indeed is easier said than done.  It's hard when people turn against us because we seem "conservative," or "goody goody," or "self righteous."  But regardless of the terms that we can be labeled with, we should strive to have those terms apply to us because we are attempting to live as God has directed us to in His word. Living in a manner that sets apart is not always easy.  Yet that is what we must do.  We must set ourselves apart from the ways of the world.  

I want to sell out to the ugliness that surrounds me.  I am on a journey, and my destination is Paradise.

"Do not love the world or anything in the word.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world -- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does -- comes not from the Father but from the world.  The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."  1 John 2:15-17

Facing Trials

It's been almost twenty years since I embarked upon entering college.  I only vaguely remember placement tests and financial aid applications. I have blurry memories of roaming the school bookstore looking for just the right texts -- and having my jaws hit the floor at the price of those textbooks.  I have slightly more vivid memories of the expectation of a new year (and that could be because I've had the same expectations with both teaching in public school and home schooling).

This past week... I returned to a college campus.  Not as a student this time but on a mission to help someone else become a student.  An incredibly bright, bubbly girl has come into my life and family this summer.  She is a recent high school graduate and has found herself in need of a little help in her endeavor to be a college student.  Her hope was to begin school in January at our local community college.

So last Monday, we loaded up and headed to campus to see what it would take to get her enrolled  for the winter semester.  But while we were there, God started opening doors that we didn't expect to get opened.  Within about 10 minutes of being on campus, she had a student I.D. number.  Then we went to financial aid and found out that we could easily get her the financial aid that she needed.  We realized that her dream of becoming a college student didn't have to wait until January.  She could do it NOW! Within a couple of hours, we drove off of the campus with her printed class schedule, textbooks, and the coveted student I.D. -- which got posted to Facebook before we even made it out of the parking lot.

During our adventure, (and it was an adventure for we drove on campus not knowing where any of the buildings were, any of the people we needed to see, and without much direction or planning) we stopped for lunch where we started talking about the whirlwind of a day that we had had.  We were just amazed at how quickly things fell in place. We were amazed at how easy it was to accomplish each item on the official registration checklist.  We were amazed that we were amazed because we knew, of course, who had directed each step of our way.

Life has not been easy for my sweet friend.  She has learned the meaning and the importance of having God as her refuge and her strength.  As we ate lunch, we talked of her plans to become a social worker and her hope and desire to be able to help children who have endured bad situations.  It occurred to me as we talked that perhaps all of the travails that she has endured are because God has an incredible plan for her.  In years to come as she sits with children who come from who knows what kind of situations, she will have an empathy and understanding of their feelings.  She will be able to help them because she has not lived a life eating out of the proverbial silver spoon.  And I told her that there are babies who haven't even been born yet who will have the opportunity for a better life because of what she will be able to offer them.

I have often heard people ask, "How can a loving God let bad things happen?"  I've talked with people who have lost a child or are homeless or have an addiction or are alone who don't see how there can possibly be a God who loves them because they have been dealt a bad hand.  I've been asked, "What's the purpose of suffering?"

There's the old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" (which I detest by the way because, really, sometimes I just don't think I need to be any stronger) that many people cling to as their buoy during life's storms.  And that's fine.  But there's a deeper truth to our struggles on earth as well.  First, we must remember that there is no Scripture in the Bible that says, 'Thou shalt have an easy life." or "everything will be a bed of roses."  As as a matter of fact, we are told that we will face difficulty in this life.  That's one reason why so many Christians anxiously await the day that Jesus will come back for His people.

Secondly, if life were indeed a bed of roses, when would we find a need to have God be our refuge and strength?  He would just be this really cool Creator sitting in heaven waiting for a day that He could bring us up to live with Him.  But would we ever turn to Him if we didn't need Him? Would we ever stop to see how His plan makes everything fit together in the end?  Would we ever realize how much we need His wisdom which He has gifted to us through the Bible?  Or would we just float through life thinking that we can handle life on our own?

I think what I've grasped anew this week is that the struggles we go through in this life can do one of two things for us.  We can let them tear us down and beat us up or we can use our ordeals as an opportunity to praise God for allowing us to rely on Him and as a stepping stone to reach out and help others in similar situations.

What are you going to let your next struggle do for you?

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."   James 1:2-3

Forgiveness

One of my favorite songs right now is Forgiveness by Matthew West.  I originally was attracted to the song because of its rousing chorus, but since I've listened to the song more regularly, I've become even more drawn to the words of the verses.

The first two stanzas contain these words of wisdom:
                         "It's the hardest thing to give away,
                         And the last thing on your mind today
                         It always goes to those that don't deserve"

and
                          "It's the opposite of how you feel
                          When the pain they caused is just too real
                           It takes everything you have just to say the word
                          Forgiveness."

That's pretty heavy stuff.

You see, lately I've been awash in several different situations from several different fronts where some people have made me pretty angry, where some people have outright lied to me and hurt my feelings, and where some people have betrayed my trust.  Satan's hand has been moving mightily.  As my husband and I have been hashing our way through some of these experiences, forgiveness has been a frequent topic of conversation.  And it's pretty human, I think, to cling to the opposite of the lyrics above to justify NOT giving forgiveness away.

The things that have hurt and angered me lately have not been met with remorse by the offenders, in some cases have not been acknowledged, and in some cases have adamantly been avoided.  So really (the human in me says), if you can't admit that you've done wrong to me, and you can't face me and say you are sorry... why should I have to forgive you? Wouldn't it do us all just fine if we walk the other way and ignore each other?  Aren't I justified in staying angry if you can't seem to care that you have been offensive?  If all you can do is make excuses for your behavior, do you deserve my forgiveness?

Well, the Bible says that they do.  When Peter asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive people who had sinned against him, Jesus answered in Matthew 18:22 by saying, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times."  Wow! That's a lot.

And so therefore, I have chosen to forgive those who have wronged me.  It doesn't matter if they have asked for my forgiveness.  It doesn't matter if they are avoiding me. It doesn't matter if they are denying their offense has even occurred.  I have forgiven.

The beauty of forgiveness is that, in reality, it's not just for the wrongdoer.  It's also for me. West's lyrics continue with the lines,
                              "It'll clear the bitterness away.
                               There is no end to what it's power can do."
Being the forgiver is liberating.  Since I've made the choice to forgive these certain people, I no longer lay awake at night stewing.  I no longer run their offenses over and over in my mind.  I no longer feel anger (some disappointment and hurt, yes, but no anger) when I think of these people or the situations that have occurred.  I feel peace.

There's an even bigger idea to grasp here than the forgiveness that I have extended.  One final line from the song says, "Help me now to give what You gave me."

Colossians 3:13 tells us, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgives you."

If we were to take an intimate look at all the sins of my life (which I think we won't), we could say on a human level that I'm not that terrible of a person. But I assure you, I have done plenty for which  I have needed to ask for forgiveness. And I am assured by the blood that Jesus spilled from the cross that all of my indiscretions have been forgiven.  Colossians 1: 13 - 14 collaborates this by saying, "For he has rescued us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Even as Jesus was in the throes of his crucifixion, his plea was "Father, forgive them, for they do not know know what they do."  (Luke 23:34).  And surely no one has ever wronged me in such a way.  I have not been beaten, I have not been spat upon, I have not been hung on a cross.  If Jesus, even in His life-ending misery can look at the very men who were crucifying Him and extend His forgiveness, how can I do any less for the petty, non-life-ending occurrences that face me?

Forgiveness.

Weeds

My mother-in-law, who loves growing her flowers,  once asked me what flowers I was growing in my yard.  It was hard not to laugh.  Gardening has never been my thing.

As a matter of fact, most of my memories of gardening include me trying to find a way to not have to wade through the grass and plants.  I do, however,  have one delicious memory of my dad growing peanuts when I was about six or seven when I hid at the end of the row to eat those lovely little raw peanuts.

Then two years ago, my husband decided it would be a great idea for us to start a garden.  We started small -- pots and a small plot in our backyard.  Then our neighbors told us we could use part of their yard to have a larger garden.  I managed to avoid the action last year, but this year even I was roped into our family garden.

Now I see that there are some real benefits to gardening.  We not only have been able to grow lots of yummy, nutritious, basically free vegetables, but also we have been able to share the wealth with our neighbors around us.  Additionally, our kids are learning to develop a work ethic, it's a great science experiment on the life cycle of plants, we get to be outdoors, and we are working together as a family.

Thus, several weeks ago, I found myself in the garden weeding -- NOT my favorite part. (My favorite part is eating the cherry tomatoes right off the plant  -- maybe I haven't grown up all that much).  In school, I've taught my kids about the way that some species manage to survive in nature.  One of those ways is mimicry.  And as I was in the garden one morning I noticed how similar some of the weeds were to the plants that we were actually trying to grow.  As I studied the leaves to make sure that I wasn't ripping up our precious pea plants, my mind, as usual, began to wander and a very poignant realization came to me.

Our lives are much like the plants growing in a garden.  We choose many people and things in which to invest ourselves.  Some of these are quality people and important activities that make us grow.  Some of these are people and activities that stump our growth and hold us back from our full potential.  In order to reach our full potential, we need to remove the weeds from our lives.

Some weeds are easy to spot.  The friends that are always negative and bring you down -- weed.  Activities that take time away from family or church -- weed.  Gossip -- weed.  Materialism -- weed.  Idleness -- weed.

Some weeds are not so easy to see such as  friends that seem to be on the same page as us, but are quietly manipulating us to do things that aren't right or are sucking away energy that we should be investing somewhere else.

Even worse are the weeds in life that mimic goodness. My little ones often pick "flowers" from the yard to bring in for me.  The flowers are just weeds that have popped up, but the kids only see their beauty. Some of the activities in which we invest our time look like pretty flowers but may not be anything more than a distraction from our personal growth. You may teach Sunday School every week, but if you aren't stopping to allow God to work in your life or living your life in such a way that people see godliness in you, that teaching is a weed in your life.

If we don't remove the weeds from the garden, they will continue to grow and flourish.  They will choke out the good plants and make the rows so overgrown that we cannot get down them.  Likewise, when we do not stop the weeds in our life, we get choked out and cannot reach the potential that we are created to have.

Lately, I've been taking stock of some of the things and people in my life.  Unfortunately, there are some of both that I have had to move away from being involved with in my everyday life.  And this weeding is not always easy.  It's hard when there is someone or something in your life that you're used to having around but that you have to move away from for your own benefit.. It's difficult to realize that your help to someone may really just be a crutch for someone else to lean on and that you may actually be working as an enabler, not a helper.  It's difficult when activities that you enjoy doing are no longer the activities that are beneficial to you.

I challenge you to stop and think about the things in your life.  Are there weeds that are stunting your growth?

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.  But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers."   Psalms 1: 1 - 3

Weathering the Storm

A couple of weeks ago, my family, sans my husband this year,  traveled to Missouri for our annual church-building mission trip.  I thought myself to be very fortunate because I was the lucky one -- out of the 120 crew members on the trip, my three little kids and I got to skip the agony of sleeping on leaky air mattresses and got to stay in a small camper that one of the local church members had lent out for our use.

And it was good.  All the ladies complained of freezing at night -- I controlled my own air.  I got to sleep on a real mattress.  I did have to traipse inside to take a shower since there was no hot water, but that was no biggie.

Then the last night of the trip came, and with it, a mighty thunderstorm.  The gusty wind woke me up about one in the morning, and I lay in the bed watching the lightning flash outside the windows.  I listened to the thunder.  I felt the wind pushing the trailer's side.  I kept hearing this slicing whistle of a wind that really freaked me out --- I later realized it was a train that had stopped on the track just across the street. My three little ones snoozed as I rocked in the wind.

And then, as my mama's mind often does, I started to plot out what to do if things got really bad. I started walking myself through "my plan" of how to get the kids out of the trailer and into the main building.  This was a feat that would have forced me to leave little ones alone and get drenched in the process.  I couldn't really come up with a great plan and wasn't so sure that I even needed to get us out.  I finally decided that since I had to be up at 4:30 to prepare breakfast for everyone, I really needed to just get some sleep.

So I prayed.  I told God that I just needed him to give me peace and rest.  And he did.  The next thing I knew, my alarm was beeping for me to get up, and things were clear outside.

I was never in the danger that I felt I was in.  But my control freak tendencies took over, and I started to obsess about the "what if's" like I often do in life.  In the dark of the night, when I felt that I didn't have much control at all, it was easy to let go and let God take the reins.

I have two favorite Bible verses:

Jeremiah 29:11 > "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
and
Philippians 4:13 > "I can do everything through Him who give me strength."

These are my life rafts.  When life veers out of control, and I can't see the upside, I cling to these words to remember that God is with me.  Just as He was in that tiny camper.  But not only is He with me, He was there before I ever get myself into sticky messes, and if I allow His plan to come to fruition (rather than trying to change it myself), He will walk me through it on a path that will make me a stronger person.

But what about when the storms of life become more figurative?

What about when there is conflict that I just don't know how to solve?

What about when I can't quiet my mind to stop and listen to what God is trying to tell me to do?

The winds of these storms are blowing in me now.  There are some things that I have been praying fervently for all summer, but now that I see how God's will is panning out, I don't know if I'm strong enough to accept His will.

I've been here before... I prayed and prayed for something, those prayers were answered, and the path that the answers came on were slippery at best.  I remember kneeling on my son's floor and crying out, "Really God? THIS is how you answered me?"

So there's this knot in my chest.  This "something" that won't release me.  I have spent hours on the phone or huddled in the hallway at church with several of my dear friends trying to find the light at the end of the foggy tunnel.  And I'm split.  I know what I think I should do, but it's becoming pretty clear to me, that what I think I should do may not be what God is telling me to do.  And for me, this is where the thunder and lightning strike up.  I very well believe that God may be about to make me walk on a slick, messy,  muddy path that is going to make me quite uncomfortable.

And I wonder.... will I weather this storm?

Healing Prayers & Salvation

About eight years ago, I went to my obstetrician for a routine ultrasound.  It turned out to be anything but ordinary.  The technician found calcifications under the baby's diaphragm and near her bladder.  I then went on to see a specialist and found myself in a room with a genetic counselor telling me that my baby might have toxioplasmosis, or she might have "meslisfdjalsjidsafj" (Yeah, I never did learn what that one was.), or she might have Down's Syndrome.  The general consensus became that was going to have Down's.

I refused to have an amniocentesis.  At the time, the miscarriage risk was 1 in 100, and I was just coming off of two miscarriages.  I was not risking another one.  The specialist made the mistake of telling me that if I did not have the amnio, I would not be able to terminate as I was already at 20 weeks.  I went off on a tirade and will not disgrace myself by repeating the things that I said since they were, er, a little less than nice.  The gist of it was, God gave me this baby and only God would take her away from me.

So I set out of that doctor's appointment determined to learn what I could about Down's and how to care for a child with Down's to help her live as fulfilling a life as possible. I always thought that I could not have a special needs child -- I didn't think I had the patience; I didn't have the strength.  I had even convinced myself that I had lost my two other babies because there was something wrong with them, and God knew I couldn't handle it.  But immediately, this attitude changed.  I was determined that I would find the patience and strength to raise this baby as well.

During my first two pregnancies, I would talk to the babies all of the time.  Jayla would flip when she head me talk -- even when I was reading aloud to my classes which made my students watch  my stomach more than they listened to me.  This time, though, I could not talk to the baby. Every time I would try to tell her about the things we were going to do or about her big brother and sister, I would find myself praying over her.  I had an hour commute to work, so for two hours a day I would pray over the baby -- every day.  I did get some strange looks from other drivers because I was "talking to myself" but that was irrelevant.  I pleaded with God that He would heal my baby, or if that was not His will, that He would give me the strength, knowledge, and patience to be the best mother to her that I could be. My main prayer was that I did not want her to suffer physically, emotionally, mentally, or socially.  I knew the cruel world she was being born into, and even in utero, I desperately wanted to protect her.

Close to the end of my pregnancy, my doctor told me that it looked as if everything was going to be okay.  And on August 11, 2005, Emma Grace was born... perfect.  When our pediatrician came in and told me all of her Apgar scores and details, I timidly asked, "What about Down's?".  Dr. Klein looked at me startled and said, "There's no sign of Down's.  Why would you ask that?"

I believe with all my heart that God healed my baby.  I saw the ultrasound.  I saw the marks that weren't supposed to be there.  I also saw the changes in her ultrasound as we progressed in the pregnancy.  And I certainly saw her perfect little baby girl body when she was born.

I promised God that I would to my best to honor Him and His healing blessings by raising my little girl with the superior goal of introducing her to His kingdom.  I even gave her the middle name Grace because it is by His grace that we have her.  I dedicated her at our church and I set out on a path to introduce to her God and His mighty powers.

This past Sunday, Emma told me that she thought she was ready to ask Jesus into her heart.  We went into her room and sat on her bed and I walked through the plan of salvation with her again.  Then she prayed and asked Jesus to forgive her of her sins, to be her Savior, and to give her eternal life.  I then prayed over my little girl and tearfully thanked God that He had called her to Him.

Next week, Emma will be baptized in the same church that I was baptized in when I was 7.  Thirty years after my salvation was made public, Emma's will be as well.

Yet, i'm not done.  Actually, I'm just starting over again because I am now tasked with teaching this sweet one how to follow Jesus and live a life for Him in a world that is NOT about Jesus or His kingdom. Thank goodness God is always by my side.